It's a 3 AM Solo Dance Party!

This is the first morning I tried it. 3AM Solo Dance Party in the Bathroom!

Flinging my head back and forth to Daft Punk and Pharrell's Get Lucky song, the movement broke thru the pulsing pain in my head, shattering the cocoon of non-movement I have existed in for years. The beats drew me to loosen my neck muscles and relieve the painful crunching in my joints thru a dance so passionate and explosive that one song led to the next. From varied upbeat songs like Safe and Sound by Capital Cities to Queen Latifah's U.N.IT.Y., I found myself sweating and surging pain out of my fingers, my hips, my shoulders, joints and lips. I was lip syncing the hits like I was putting on the best show of my life and I owned those words with the funk of a legend.

This is the first morning, that I shook my tail feather like nobody's business with a ferocity and managed not to slice thru the silence of the wee morning.  The fact that my husband is still sleeping peacefully while I'm having a dance blast 10 feet away in the bathroom must attest to my skills as a terrific dancer... or terrific mime dancer. Either way, I'm grateful for this early morning breakthrough and better get hopping on tomorrow's dance playlist.

Here's the hits I bounced to this morning:

Lose yourself to Dance by Daft Punk
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_Sf0gi-mGI

From the Night by Stars
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Dr5VE3ogdl8

Get Lucky by Daft Punk
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=h5EofwRzit0

Safe and Sound by Capital Cities
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=47dtFZ8CFo8

Happy Idiot by TV on the Radio
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OaKVy-FlaUA

Come get it Bae- Pharrell
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UfGMj10wOzg

U.N.I.T.Y by Queen Latifah
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=f8cHxydDb7o

This playlist can be found  here --> 3AM Solo Dance Party Playlist- Tea Angel. 

I will regularly add new music so let me know if there is something you think would be great to bounce to at 3am. 

I'm looking forward to seeing where this new routine might lead. Waking up in pain every morning is bonkers and I'm going see if an extra early morning workout is just what my body crazily enough needs. 

Life Can Be Such a Pain...

It's a tough life, living in pain. It's tough on the body, tough on my family, tough on my nerves, tough on my patience. Pain is such a pain in the ass or as defined below:

-Pain is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage-

Pain keeps me isolated. Pain keeps me alone. When I see how my pain looks thru the eyes of my children, I know it's out there- like a giant monster devouring their mother alive everyday. And the epic challenge for my husband to witness my chronic pain may have been addressed in our marriage vows, but damn, it sucks. Pain is clearly an obvious deterrent to our happy goals in life.

But will pain stop me?

No, my mind can fly to the highest alps, travel to the far reaches  of space, but the one thing it can not do, is teleport a friend to come visit. And so pain for me feels lonely. When I'm in pain, I isolate myself. When I'm in pain, I say I'm protecting my friends from the helpless anguish of seeing me in pain and so I isolate myself. I isolate myself. And it sucks. I miss my friends. I miss friends who could be here, even just visit once. I miss their smiles, their eyes, laughter and experiences. I miss sharing in their joys and celebrating their accomplishments with them.  I miss the freedom of visiting my friends, to be able to see clearly and feel free driving on the open road. I miss the liberating freedom that comes from being a friend to someone else.

Loneliness is far more painful than pain for me. Pain has been a part of my life for 17 years with Lupus and I've watched it shred my friendships and my heart with these long periods of pain and (and often self imposed) isolation.

I see the pattern and it needs to change.

When I'm in pain, I isolate myself. When I'm in pain and isolate myself, loneliness creeps in.
When I'm in pain and lonely,  I get nervous, don't eat and isolate myself.

BUT...

Pain just met a formidable opponent in me.  

When I'm in pain, hugs are a life force for me- love makes pain disappear in the moment and I'm so grateful my family blesses me with loads of hugs everyday.

Yep, I think I need more hugs.

When I'm in pain, my days are spent focusing on minimizing  it's influence on my day, and when my family and I are positive, at least I'm laughing in little bits thru tough breathing spells.

I definitely need to keep positive and keep laughing.

http://themindunleashed.org/2014/04/effects-negative-emotions-health.html

When I'm in pain and I can't think of anything else but pain and my poor eating habits kick in and the lack of nutrients drains me more. I'm grateful for all my friends and family over the years who have guided me onto a healthier dietary path, and see that the next step for me may be seeking counseling to overcome my eating issues.

In order to come out from under the rock of pain and anxiety I am under, I will continue to search for help in healing.

So, the pattern that I've created isn't one that contains all the positive goals I have for my life. It will be a challenge, to change such a deeply ingrained pattern, but I'm up for it! I'm not content with isolation, not content with hurting myself or my loved ones. I may not be able to see well right now, my joints may crunch and lend me to limp, my lungs and my head may be hurting, but my heart works great and I'm still here for you my friends. I love life and am going to more open and receptive to all the support you all give me. I'm going to be that woman people refer to who healed her Lupus. I'm on my way. 

Healing Space

Oceanside, Oregon and Trillium Lake. Two places we cherish collide in the photo, an homage to the solitude we experience when we take our mini breaks from this busy life.

Initially, I was daydreaming about Dominic (which is REALLY common). As I downloaded our recent beach trip photos, I noticed he was standing on this huge rock and the shadow cast over the backside of it was so intensely black there was almost no detail. And then I saw the stars, little bits of lights twinkling there and a new mini photo project was born. 

Bao Zhong Tea from Tea Chai Te was keeping me in a state of continued creative bliss so I moved onto thoughts of my Dad. Passing back into the Spirit World a few months ago, I have found many ways to grieve my sadness.  From songwriting and creative projects like photography, I have chosen to allow myself to turn my sadness into joyful acceptance thru creative play. The stars I saw twinkling in my memories of my Dad were reflecting back at me in some NASA space photography, so I choose some favorite family photos & two collided, creating a few supernovas of healing and release for me. 

 

Each time I create, I let go a little. I let go not of my love for my Dad, but of the thought that this present moment is sad because he is not in that body anymore. He is not in that body but I'm so grateful he took the time all these years to leave us lots of great memories and mementos to remind us of the great love we all share. And as the stars in the photos have been going supernova for the last hundreds of millions of years, so too shall my love for Dominic, my Dad, my Mom, my children Dimitri & Sol, my sister and her family, my grandparents, my in-law parents, my extended family, my friends, my employees, my customers and everyone of us who makes up the stars in the night sky.

More Tea & All of These

Gifts of the Heart

This last year for me has been one filled with awareness and appreciation of the amount of care my husband gives to our relationship and family daily. Every morning, he wakes with a gentle smile and has miles of patience to spare for our wildly awake little boys. There are moments when all you see is tiny feet, arms and legs all over him as the boys climb their Daddy like he is their official jungle gym. As I type this sentence, he is dragging one leg, overbite growling and acting like a zombie while slowly chasing our squealing and giggling boys around the house.

There are many moments I could list where he shows his love in unconscious ways. From doing the dishes daily and giving me hand massages to ease pain to bringing home foods I'll love weekly that can meet my evolving dietary needs in our quest to achieve pain free living for me, he inspires me to love myself too. And this winter season, he surprised me yet again with some beautiful trinkets that speak to how he sees what brings me joy. To have a soul mate who appreciates all the things about me that make me "Angelbabybaby" is the biggest blessing in life. What a guy!

Made by Jinny, owner of Laonato, created this dainty origami squirrel necklace using gold plated brass. As a friend of a squirrel, I am very grateful to have a reminder of Nutty in such a beautiful creation. The very tiny details of this design are so amazing and I look forward to pairing this necklace with one of my own favorite necklace designs I made a few years ago- a gentle black Tektite stone and gold chain.

Other jewelry in the photo: Gold dipped Birch leaf earrings from Tillamook Cheese Factory gift shop $25; Gold dipped crystal quartz necklace, my own design

To add some more sparkle to my life, my husband also gave me these beautiful silver fairy slippers.

Handmade in Athens, Greece with the best quality leather and fur
from 100% sheep wool (muton), these very soft slippers are the creation of G.Papi of the Esty shop, Sandalianas.

Baby Zebra Hat for a Rockin' Friend & Her Sweet Little One.

You know when you meet someone for the first time but feel like you've been friends for years? With joy, you're so excited when you cross paths with someone who gets you so well, and is so fun to be around. Someone in the last year has been that person for me. She's wonderful, and although we haven't been able to spend tons of time together, she always makes me feel at ease and really see the humor in everything. Light of heart with lots of wit, I felt compelled to make something for her that was equal to her uniqueness when I found out she was having a baby.  

I created this little infant zebra hat using a few variations of crochet stitches and alternating super soft acrylic blend black and white yarn.  Normally,  I'm a huge fan of using natural fibers especially when projects are created for infants. But I've made a few hats in the past for my boys with these yarns and they were not only the softest, but the boys didn't have any skin reactions, even though both had major skin sensitivities when they were little. The yarn has enough give to allow stretch over a smaller cotton cap too.

My creative process is very free and fluid. I just create as I go- no patterns, and I don't record what I do. It's a form of meditation for me, and as I create, I allow my mind to focus happy, peaceful thoughts on those who will be receiving the project.  And there is usually lots of moments of joy and humor, like the instant I realized I had finished creating the mane in a way that would go seamless into my design and convey that adorable "rebel" vibe I was wanting.

For those interested in finding a pattern that is similar to this, there is one by Etsy shop, Emie Grace Creations, owned by Miriah Gilbert of Washington. She has lots of entertaining animal hat patterns, with great pictures of her designs.

Tea Chai Te Wins Big at Oregon's First State Tea Competition!

It's always exciting to hear from our customers when we blend a new tea recipe that pleases them.  And we never tire of hearing how our teas have influenced their lives by bringing people together with such an enjoyable experience. So for us to be acknowledged in Oregon's first state tea competition with so many awards for our teas is really icing on the cake. 

It's been my personal opinion that blending teas is something my husband, Dominic excels at, so I felt it fitting to share on my blog how amazing his creative skills are. If you have a chance to try out some of these award winning teas in our tea shop, we'd love to hear what you think. 

All of these award winning teas are available on our website here.